2009: On Becoming a Good Steward...

First ride of the season...

Yesterday I dusted off my bike, filled the tires, tightened the spokes, adjusted the chain and lubed her up.  All in preparation for the first ride of the "season" this morning.  I dread the first ride.  It shows me how poorly I care for my body as I've gotten older.  Hate that.  Its not like I don't have a choice.  Well, at least I now feel like there's a choice.  There are different pieces to ADHD and one of them is impuslivity.  I've lived impulsively most of my life...and nothing is really off limits...especially eating.  And that's gotten me here.  Out of shape and overweight.  The bonus of being on meds, the right med combination is that the ADHD meds are stimulants and decrease appetite.  Its a nice feeling to eat like "normal" people.  No bottomless pit.  I get full.  Which for me is a novel concept.  I sometimes stop before I'm finished with my whole plate.  Again...a true miracle of modern medicine.  And I am thankful.

I'm down 15 pounds now and I imagine the exercise portion will help further.  I only rode 3 miles today...it was enough to get the juices flowing, to attempt some hills, to move the old heart a little faster...it was good.  My legs were a little rubbery.  They'll be better tomorrow when I ride again.  And the next day.

I have two months to the triathalon.  I decided to just be honest with myself this year and focus my training on the times I really do train rather than feel guilty for all the months when I don't.  We're doing a different course this year.  A flatter bike course...should be interesting.  I'll be prepared for this one...even on only two months...but this time last year I was so ridden with guilt I gave up in my training.  We'll see if this approach works better!

Bunko...

Last night was our monthly bunko night.  We have a pretty fun group of gals and a pretty great spread of food that makes the night fun!  I always find it fascinating to watch a room full of women, who aren't necessarily girlfriends in the "traditional" sense (meaning they don't spend time together as a whole outside of the bunko group) get together to mingle.  I mean, there's no problems, I just find it fascinating the common ground they find in casual conversations.  The personalities, the senses-of-humor...all those things that come out amongst "friends".  I enjoy groups for a while, then I need a break.  Even on bunko night.  The second we're done with the dice portion, I find myself sneaking away into a quieter room with one or two of the gals for quiet conversation.

It occurred to me last night that people probably think my nature is loud and out of the box all the time.  That it comes naturally to me to lead or at least be the center.  But its not.  I think I use all those strong parts of my personality to keep people at bay.  A safe distance from the quieter, more tender center. 

Natalie and I talked at length about things like that after the ride home.  I'm enjoying getting to know her better.  She's got lots of layers.  I always like that in a person.  I like seeing how much more there is to go before you hit center, if you do.  She's sweet, and nice, and strong.  Really strong.  She doesn't wear that on the outside but its the layer I'm looking at most regularly right now.  And I like it.  I like inner-strength in my girlfriends.  It generally comes from some hard lessons in life, and that I can relate to.

Anyway - Bunko was fun.  It alwasy is...can't wait until next month.

Something I will miss...

Lunches with Frank.  We didn't do them often, but the ability to have lunch together, downtown, is a pleasantry that will be gone when I return home.  So, today we indulged and met up for lunch.  It was so nice to be there talk with him...like it wasn't already hard to go back to the office on such a nice day at the end of a long few weeks, but I was thankful for the time.  I have to say, there's really nothing better than being married to your best friend.

Silence...

It's Wednesday and I'm sitting at my desk with only 2 more days left to go in the week.  The last week I'll sit here at this desk.  I was looking for something profound to write, but I got nada.  Some times it's just like that - a big empty brain with writer's block.  And I say that loosely.  It's not "blocked" so much as there is nothing there. 

It was interesting.  I was reading Cory's blog today.  I generally read his blog a few entries at a time.  The other day he stumbled upon the same thing...a nothing to write about day.  It happens to the best of us.

I'm pretty sure I'm still recovering from the weekend wedding I shot.  So tired I can barely focus my eyes. And that doesn't do much for my writing brain.  In fact right now all I am thinking about is what I hope to do with my kids over the summer...Elitch's (I bought season passes for once), hiking, biking, hopefully heading to Utah to see Auntie Laurie, and hanging out poolside with them.  I'm hoping to have more days of fun then work during their short summer break. 

In the house I'm hoping to organize, declutter and through crap we don't need out.  I'm hoping to repaint all the yellow walls in the house with eggshell instead of flat...that is not one of my better ideas.  I may like flat, but its impossible to clean!  I am intent on painting all of our bedroom furniture and getting the walls redone so we can have our garage back!

Maybe its not that I don't have any thoughts going through my head, maybe its that there are too many for me to slow down long eough to concentrate on one of them!

on learning...

I'm on the downhill slope towards the big 4-0 this year.  A time for reflection I assumed.  I figured I would reflect on my youth (where it went) and where I am in my life, but I don't think I anticipated so much learning.

I'm like a sponge as I assess my world and decide what I want to know and learn and be better at.  Writing, photography, music.  Seems to be my theme this year.  I find myself reading books in a way I never have.  I absorb books.  Ask my husband, it's one of his favorite jokes...that I read by osmosis.  I am a fast reader and I'm able to remember not only the gist of the story but words from their pages.  I have a photographic memory.  I don't test it out as much anymore so its not quite as sharp as it once was, but if I know going in I want to remember, I can.  But I'm not reading for that right now.  I'm reading to understand writing.  I'm taking apart the author's words and trying to understand everything; the set up, where they are taking the character, why this or that detail is important, or not.  I'm reading to deconstruct, so that I may become a better writer.  To learn writing.

I play the piano most days.  I'm not terribly good, but I'm getting better.  I'm working to put my own spin on the music, to feel what I play.  I try to lose myself in the sound much like I imagine the greats did, Beethoven, Pachabel, etc.  Not that I have any hope, or even desire, of creating my own music, I just want to play better and I think I do things better when I understand the how and why. 

And Photography.  I'm still growing as an artist.  Understanding my camera better, my eye and what it perceives as well as how it sees.  I don't want to take pictures and tell people, "you really had to be there" to appreciate the sunset...I want them to see my photo and {gasp} as if they were standing before it.  That takes time, and learning, and love. 

I can't believe at 40 I feel so much like a child who is just starting to see and take in the world around them.  I have a voracious appetite for learning right now.  Who would've thought.

5 more days...

working days, that is, and then I'm done, outta here, see ya.  Done working in an office, though I have to say, among offices, H&H is a good place to be.  I won't miss my desk, or my PC, my round baskets that hold my paperclips.  I won't miss the stacks of papers reminding me how far behind I am some days or the lists of things still to do.  I won't even miss the free soda machines, lunches, or holidays.  I'll miss the people.  Randi, Tracey, Michele, Lisa, the whole lot of them. 

One thing H&H has always been able to do is attract good people.  Fun people.  Funny people.  The atmosphere has changed in the office.  Some say its the economy, I happen to believe its the leadership that's changed and the trickle effect is in full force, but the core people I spend time with...unchanged.  They still make me laugh, make my days fly by faster, make me happy to come in in the morning. 

This is a weird time to be leaving.  Frank's company announced they're pulling in the reins a little to weather the storm, which means a small reduction in pay...again...economy is tight, people certainly aren't using my photography services carelessly or with abandon like they might in better economic times.  But I believe what I'm doing is good, and the right decision for me and us right now.  The kids need me home more and I have other plans to help sustain us and our budget for now. 

As the work days wind down I find myself a little nostalgic for this company I've worked for on and off since 2003.  Its been a good home.  I've been able to work and express myself, which isn't always mutually exclusive.  I've learned new things, stretched my brain a bit, and enjoyed the grove of my work day.  So, though I'm good to go...I'm sad to go in some ways...not sad enough to stay, mind you.  Just sad enough to make a record of it.  Just 5 more days.

Back to reality...

I'm back from Chicago and back to reality!  The trip was great - both too short and too long.  Had a great visit with Cory and his family.  Such wonderful people...down to the kiddos.  Saw Kimmy and Tim, Sue, Patti and my sister Cathy.  All in 3 full (very very full) days.  Whew.  But it was good to be home.  A little nostaligic this time.  Still contemplative about Robert and my childhood I guess, and being there brought everything into technacolor.  Here are the highlights though...

• Arrived on Thursday night and rented a car.  A small car.  But just as I was to finish and get the paperwork to sign, some guy comes back in from the parking lot freaking out that he didn't get a mid-sized car.  I mean FREAKING OUT.  My gal had to stop what she was doing for me to help him.  He was just plumb rude and it was like 11:00 p.  So, when she came back to me and I was extra nice, she upgraded me.  To a grandpa car...a Grand Marquis.  I was terrified for the first 24 hours to drive the thing.  I was looking for oars.  Big ole car.  Nice ride, though, I have to admit.

• Got to Cory's and stayed up til one chatting with he and his wife.  She's such a great lady.  Cory did better than well, he did exceptionally well in choosing a wife.  I say it all the time, if we only lived  closer we'd be closer friends.  Kenzie would love Lily as Jake would love Fred, like big sisters and brothers do.

• Friday was photo day for the Foscos.  Only it was pouring rain outside.  I love Chicago storms, and they don't seem to hurt my head like Colorado storms do, so that was a good thing.  But we had to get creative to get the shots.  Cindy suggested we visit the Garfield Conservatory, and indoor botanic gardens in Chicago.  Perfect.  It was green and plush and we got some great shots.  And did a touristy thing all at the same time.  That night for dinner, Cory grilled a pot roast.  Can I tell you, I don't think I'll eat one again any other way.  And I'm not a huge red meat fan, but this rocked.  They got me some peppercorn rub from their butcher as a parting gift.

• Saturday morning it was up early and off to Sue's house.  Sue and I were friends in high school mostly through who she or I were dating.  I dated a kid named Kevin for a while during Sophomore year.  That was her brother's friend and later Tod who was her boyfriend Rosendo's best friend.  Over those few years we got to be pretty close and we've talked a few times since high school graduation.  But I haven't seen her in 17 years at least.  It was great to get to know her again and meet her very talented husband, Victor.  They bought an older home in her old neighborhood about five years ago and Victor has been in project mode ever since.  It's coming along.  A man after my own heart.  I spent the morning photographing her little ones.  Her son was born with left-heart syndrome but seems to be doing pretty well all things considered.  Her girls are darling, and smart...especially the oldest one.  Man o man.  It was a great morning to spend with a friend.

• I left Sue's and went to Cathy, my sisters, to surprise her.  And surprise her I did.  We had lunch and went shopping.  It was her birthday and she needed a new suitcase.  So that's what we got.  It was on sale at Kohl's and she was so so excited by it.  We laughed and enjoyed our time.  She was even up beat when I left, which isn't always the case.  It was a nice four hours. 

• From Cathy's I had dinner plans with Kim, officially my oldest friend.  Not in age, but in length of knowing one another.  I have known Kim since I was 6.  She was my first friend, the first day I moved into Young Circle.  Our families were friends, we attended block parties together, went all through school together.  Always friends.  Not best friends, but we never skipped a beat even when we drifted into different groups throughout the years.  We talked for hours over dinner then went to see her parents.  It was part of the nostalgia.  Seeing them, I always feel like going back into the "Mr. Sanaghan" mode, like when I was a little kid.  I'm nearly 40 and I still can't bring myself to call her parents Mike and Jan.  How funny is that?  I think so, too.

• Sunday was no less busy.  I saw a high school friend, Patti and did her family photos.  We met at a municipal center with a lake and lots of trees.  Beautiful location...very bright light.  Wish I was happier with the outcome of the shoot.  :(  From there I drove down to South Chicago to see Tim.  Not before getting totally lost though.  My compass was so off during my entire trip.  So frustrating.  I was 30 miles off before I realized it was time to call Tim.  When I finally got there, we did lunch (finally got a genuine Chicago hot beef sandwich) and then took a tour of Beverly and North Beverly, one of the oldest parts of Chicago.  The houses were amazing.  I could picture the lives that must have lived in them once upon a very long time ago.  Being with Tim is always interesting.  No pretenses.  Totally comfortable.  No airs.  Just brother and sister.  We have that level of comfort.  He's going through a rough time right now and I have two good ears and shoulders.  I was happy to lend them.  I left there to come back for a last night dinner at Cory's.  Again, good eats.  Good talks.  More than I would have imagined I would share with Cyndi.  She's one of those that's just too easy to be open with. 

I arrived home and proceeded to take a nap.  I was bushed after my whirlwind visit, but I'm happy I went and thankful for a hubby who will hold down the fort.  It was the best thing in the world to see the kiddos and be at home with my fam again.  Busy weekend ahead (photo shoot, visitors and a wedding!), but its good to be home and well, back to reality.

Garfield Conservatory...

So, while in Chicago I'm in the midst of photo shoots of friends, Cory's family being the first of them and the one I've been wanting to do for a long time.  The weather was predicted to be beautiful here this weekend, but as is often the case, the weather forcasters get to make it up as they go along, get it wrong, and still get a paycheck.  Honestly. 

Since it was grey, cold and pouring all day yesterday we needed to be more creative.  Cyndi, Cory's wife is a genious...(and pretty darn wonderful all around to boot)...she thought of visiting the Garfield Conservatory in Chicago.  We're not far from the city being here in the NW burbs so we packed a lunch, packed the car, and headed down. 

We arrived, enjoyed our lunch and from there began to walk around and scout locations.  One thing is for sure, it was green (and a bit wet) inside.  There was a children's garden, a rain forest (complete with rain!) and a really cool fern garden (including a waterfall).  Every so often we would stop along the way and snap some family shots or shots of the kiddos. 

It wasn't the most ideal situation, not the most free-to-be-creative spot possible, but it was a great alternative for a rainy day and a lot of fun just hanging out with Cory's family. 

Cory has two children, Fred and Lily.  Fred's about Kenzie's age.  Lily is six.  They are homeschooled.  Makes me pause for a moment and wonder if integrating ours into school, albeit a non-traditional program, was the right choice.  Not that ELOB hasn't been an exceptional program for our kids, especially Jake, but I wonder if ours would be even a step brighter, more confident if we had continued with my plans for hometeaching all those years ago?  Cory's kids are bright, and sweet, and funny, and polite.  I have enjoyed interacting with them individually and together sans mom & dad.  There's not many kids that age I can say that about.  We spent some time doing a little impromptu photography class yesterday morning.  It was fun to feel like I was contributing a little to their learning.  And they were sponges.  Fred and I spent some time tinkering on the piano together.  He's quite good already.

Today is another photo day and a surprise visit to my sister.  I cannot wait.  She will be so so excited.  Taking her to lunch and out to Kohl's so she can use all the gift certificates she got for her recent birthday!

The sun is trying to peer through this morning, which gives me hope.  Rain or shine, this is already a great trip with some nice memories made.  It would only be more perfect if my family were with me.

Sounds

I arrived in Chicago last night around 10pm.  The plane was hot and the guy next to me decided he needed my space and the isle-guy's space for his legs during the flight.  I was happy to be 10 minutes early in landing.  When I deplaned all that was forgotten.  As soon as I began to walk I heard the sounds that make me smile.  Two janitors talking.  It sounded like my dad and one of his brothers.  There is a speak in Chicago that is familiar and comforting.  There's a lack for the need of letters (e.g., ruined becomes runed).  There's a gruffness common among blue collar workers, of which Chicago is full.  And I love it.  Listening to these two talk about baseball was almost musical.

I managed to get through the airport, down to baggage, get my bag, get my car, and nearly make it ou to the burbs, to Cory's house, unscathed.  If only I remembered which way to exit freeway 53!  It was pretty smooth sailing after that and I made it to his place around 11'ish.  I forgot how close to O'Hare we grew up. 

Cindy and Cory greeted me when I arrived and we stayed up chatting away the next few hours.  Laughing and reminiscing.  Cory lives in the neighborhood I grew up in.  In the part of it where all my friends lived.  It's surreal to drive down these streets with the perspective I have now.  An adult, a home owner.   These used to just be houses of my friends.  Now I picture the new families that reside in most of them.  Accept for one.  One house is still owned by someone I once knew.  He took possession after his parents passed away.  Maybe I'll shock him and stop by.

I woke early this morning.  The house is quiet.  But I feel comfortable.  This is my friend's house.  No pretenses.  A home away from home.  I miss my family but am happy to be back in the city of my childhood for a quick visit.  Whirlwind or no...sometimes I just need a fix of home.         

Q

That's right!  I've joined the 2000s...I got myself a new phone.  The Motorolla Q.  And tell you what...I might just have to read the manual!  I just decided if I'm going to be out and about and talking to clients and scheduling this and that I should have a windows based phone.  I have to tell you, I'm overwhelmed.  I'm pretty tech savvy, but I'm used to my very very very simple phone.  So, bear with me...this might take me a while before my texts don't have extra letters I couldn't figure out how to delete... ;)