2009: On Becoming a Good Steward...

What a way to start the day...

I turned off my cell phone yesterday - it was busy back-to-back all day and I was plumb tired.  When I turned it back on this morning and listened to my messages I was humbled by my first call, a request for my wedding services by a mother who's also a photographer who was impressed by my "eye".  Really...that sent the artist side of me into a complete flutter.  What a great way to start the day.

Warning -- and a charity...

If you are pregnant, thinking about pregnancy, etc. this might be a difficult post to read so pass or at least be warned.

Years ago I had a friend in Phoenix.  We worked together and just clicked.  She was smart and funny and we enjoyed each other's company.  We were pregnant with our first babies together.  She was about 10 weeks ahead of me.  I had a difficult pregnancy with Jake.  Spent most of it on bedrest...my friend on the other hand was up and about but looked terrible.  I didn't know what it was but she didn't look "good".  No glow.  Mostly gray.  She was a smoker, even through her pregnancy, but that didn't quite explain her pastey-gray exterior.  Then one day she told me she didn't think the baby was moving.  We worked downtown, next to two hospitals.  We discussed going in.  Then she felt it was a false alarm.  That was a Friday.

I was off of bedrest for a short stint and so took pleasure in shopping with another friend on Saturday.  We shopped all day.  I guess there was a time I liked the mall... ;) ... when I returned home Frank announced my friend had had her baby.  I told him he had the wrong friend as a few of us were pregnant at the time.  Then he told me her mother's name.  A male-gendered name.  I knew he had gotten it right.  She was 10 weeks early.  I rushed to the hospital in time to see the baby as they were transporting for life-flight to childrens.  He was the tiniest thing I'd ever seen.  His feet much like a frogs.  Long and skinny, hardly enough skin to make cover.  He was 1lb. 10 oz. but he was a fighter.

We spent the next few months in the NICU.  She was there all day.  I was there on lunch and sometimes after dinner.  It was a long road.  Head bleeds, collapsing lungs.  But he survived.  They didn't know what happened.  The doctor told her it was because she smoked.  My friend was riddled with guilt.  All they knew was the placenta had died on top and the fluid had leaked out into her body and the baby had survived like that for more than a week at least.  In stress.  With no fluid to float around in.  That explained her "grayness".

My turn came and there was a tinge of guilt in between all the love.  I felt badly talking to her about my joy.  She had such pain.  But she was wonderful, and happy for me.  And our friendship continued.  About a year later she was pregnant again.  Determined to have a healthy baby.  They ultrasounded her constantly.  At 24 weeks she was great.  By 26 she began to lose fluid again.  This time they admitted her, gave her lots of fluids, saphacton for the baby's lungs and delivered him c-section before there was any serious "stress".  Other than the fact he was 13, almost 14 weeks early.  He was tinier than his brother at 1 lb 3 oz.  but had less of an uphill climb.  Still the months of NICU, still a small head bleed.  But overall, a better prognosis. 

Today, the boys are great.  The earlier learning disabilities (the oldest boy had Apraxia and fine motor skill issues, the youngest more gross motor problems, but no apraxia) have all but vanished.  They thrive and are on target for their age.  It is a miracle and a blessing and a success story rolled into one.  They eventually determined that my friend had a rare blood disorder that caused her body to attack the placenta like an unwelcomed intruder in her body, killing it off and allowing the fluid to seep out.  Smoking or not...this wasn't anything but a fluke of her genetic makeup.

During those months in the NICU, we witnessed many babies who never got the chance that her babies did.  Some never ever got to go home.  And my heart ached for those parents.  I can't imagine being any more blessed than I am, difficult pregnancies, miscarraiges in between and all, to have two very active, healthy kids running around my house.  So, I had this in mind as I looked for a charity to affiliate my photography business with.  I found one.  'Now I lay me down to sleep' (www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com) is an organization of photographers, graphic editors, and support people who provide bereavement photographer to families who's babies won't ever come home.  Its a devastating thought, but these parents have nothing tangible of their precious children.  Nothing to mark they were here, they existed.  We do that through tasteful photography, provided in black & white on CD, for free.  Not just anyone is cut out for it.  But I believe my experience with my friend makes me able.  And if you can you should.  I believe that whole-heartedly. 

I took the training down at the convention I attended in January, I applied the day I came home, and two days ago received my acceptance.  I know the call will come.  It will come when I am least prepared.  Because really, can you ever be prepared?  But I will answer the call, and give some parents comfort in having cherished memories of their baby, a tangible way to remember they were here, if even briefly.  And I feel blessed to have been chosen to be a part of such a unique and altruistic group of others in my field.

More projects and a snowman...

so - you know spring is around the corner when I get uppity and decide to tackle projects...like endless painting projects...around my house.  I was supposed to go paint at Dee's today, but then Dee forgot and went on errands with the kiddos.  But I was dressed to paint, so, paint I did.  Melanie's sister Debbie has been staying at her place since she moved out here from Florida several months ago.  Deb got an apartment and was moving out this weekend and we happened to have an old couch taking up a ton of space in the garage and we weren't sure how we would rid ourselves of it.  We offered it to her and she took us up on it.  So, while she was here picking it up I started thinking about my headboard.

I bought my headboard, footboard and rails about two years ago, maybe even more from Pennys.  I waited two years before buying it so that I could get a great deal.  $299 for a Queen.  I think that's a pretty smokin' good deal.  But the catch, it was butter yellow.  Which, in and of itself isn't horrible, but my furniture tastes are black.  And so, much to Frank's dismay I got a great deal, but I would have to paint it first.  Then I went back to work outside of the home.  Time zapped away.  Energy zapped away.  Desire zapped away.  Until today.

Today I got energy and desire to paint the thing.  Two coats later...just one more to go...and new bedroom set...voila!  As much as I dread getting started...when I'm finished I always feel happy.  Like now.  Happy happy happy...pictures to come.

And a snowman...Jake decided to go play in the remains of the snow today and build a snowman...and I have to say he got a running start...a huge bottom/base to start with and a great body and head...pretty impressive.  I forget how grown up he is at times...he doesn't need my help anymore!  And just for Cindy...here's the pics...

Love that he gave him a "6-pack"! ;) 

Day After...

The day after our Denver snow storm is not as bad as they usually are.  No one was on the roads today.  I mean NO ONE.  Me and maybe five others were heading in to work today.  I had my own seat on the train...the entire way...so not typical, but certainly welcome!  With the storm letting up my headache has subsided and back to the grind I am trying to play catch up from the days away.  I will be so happy to end this struggle in the next little while.  No one is here at the office, either.  Hopefully that will make for a nice day.  So far so good. 

So, its triathalon season once again.  This time I am doing tri-for-the-cure.  Cherry Creek.  Much simpler coarse, which is both good and bad.  Its a flat bike path which doesn't offer much in the way of challenge, but its much later in the season which gives much more training time.  Spring is so brisk and windy here I don't really get to be out on the bike full swing until May and Danskin is in June.  So this will be nice.  Allyson and I are participating this year.  Alana was sure she'd sink so stayed away from trying the 'tri'! :)  Dee is booked solid this summer and isn't able to participate.  That's okay.  I"ve always been willing to go it alone but having at least a friends along for the ride makes it more fun.

I started using "Slim in 6" the other day.  Its a workout video and not nearly as insane as that P90X everyone is raving about.  Frank and I caught that one on a commercial while we were at the Stanley and my jaw just hung open the entire time.  When I wasn't laughing at the thought of getting my body to do such things.  Riiiight.  So, starting off small and we'll see where that leads! 

A storm on the horizon...

You know its gonna be bad when the schools pre-emptively close and there's narry a drop of snow on the ground.  Now, normally I would laugh and say the weather reporters probably have it wrong again, but I was up all night sick as a dog with a migraine.  Still can't close my jaw completely without flinching.  What a week.  We are due 16" + today in Denver...we shall see.  Jake is playing at a friends today and Kenzie got to have a sleep over last night at a neighbors b/c Frank was going in to work and so was I.  But home I am from this migraine. 

Just plum tired....

I have worked non-stop this weekend.  Wedding show on Sunday and painting Kenzie's room yesterday.  All that while not feeling tip-top in the first place...but both were well worth the effort.  I think the wedding show was successful and Kenzie's room is amazing.  My friend/neighbor, Allison came to my rescue yesterday and helped me pound out both coats of sky blue (Micky Sailor from the disney line) and I handled the brown (oh my...the PERFECT shade of espresso).  Instant big girl room.  As soon as its all put back together I'll post pix...you know I will!

One wedding show...down!

Hallelujah!  I survived a wedding show.  And it wasn't half bad.  Only 4-hours ... and I'm pretty sure I have a solid booking from it so that makes it time and money well spent!  All the brides and couples were nice...most pretty social, which made the time go quicker.  I learned a lot about what to do and not do next time around...like yes, buy a bigger space...and...no, don't waste my money on costly over sized displays. 

Over all - I'd say the day was a success..

9th Birthday...

No, not mine...oh to be 9 again! ;)  It's Kenzie's.  On the 25th.  When I was 9 my mother decided it was time for me to go get my first really, really big girl haircut.  At the big girl salon, Mario Tricoci's at Woodfield Mall.  Back in the day, at that age, that meant the 'Dorothy Hammill" haircut.  Basically a bowl that one curled under all around.  I hated it.  I wore it for about a year.  And it is well documented on the worst family picture of all time.  My parents with matching perms and my sister and I with the Hammill bowls.  Ugh. 

With that said, I loved the salon.  I felt pampered and like one of the ladies.  From that point on my mom made sure that I had the opportunity to go monthly.  Until about fifth grade when my friends and I decided we could cut our hair ourselves.  And continued doing that until well, now, other than on special occassions.  I wanted Kenzie to have my experience on this, her 9th birthday.  No, I did not carry the Hammill tradition down to my sweet little girl...I did however take her for a day of beauty to her first big girl salon.

My friend Mindy recently became a hair dresser at Bull Locks salon here in town.  Can I tell you -- I'm impressed with the pricing!  Mindy is wonderful -- learning her way from technical to artistic and she's doing a fine job!  For Kenzie's big day we decided we would frame her face a little more, keep her bangs, and add some facial highlights.  She was on cloud nine!

Mr. K...

I don't know why I thought of him this morning.  As I was driving to work singing along to Tracy Chapman I started thinking of Mr. Killinger and high school choir.  He was definitely one of my better teachers from high school.  He liked us.  He wanted to be amongst us.  He kept control, but was a friend and mentor.  Just what you want from a teacher. 

When I arrived Freshman year I was tone-deaf.  I am again today...but during the four years I spent in his class, in musicals, in choir, I learned a lot.  I learned to feel the piano notes and match my voice to them.  To tighten my pitch so it was closer to "on".  I learned to love music and find a safe-haven in the confines of our basement choir room.  It's where I would escape during my free hours.  I would come down and go into the sound proof room and write.  Or hang out with Danna or Meredith or Trisha.   We would talk and laugh the hour away while Mr. K taught the next batch of freshmen.  He never minded the minor intrusion as we made our way to the room.

We laughed with Mr. K during the late nights we spent painting and pulling together sets, working the lights and sound.  It was a place that kids from all different walks came together to share a joy of performance and music.  Didn't matter who you spent time with during the day, we were one big group there on stage and in the theater. 

Mr. K was tough, he demanded a lot.  Long hours, practice, desire.  He never once let me off the hook, even when I brought my bad attitude with me.  He was a good man.  He taught me that if I wanted to sing badly enough and put forth the effort I could.  Not Bette Middler good, but good enough to carry a tune and hold my own and I did.  Senior year he promoted me to concert choir.  I was so so excited in a way I'd never admit to my friends lest I not be cool.  But I was giddy.  I couldn't wait to go.  I couldn't wait to sing, on stage, in a robe.  It was one of the highlights from Senior year.  A year that was restricted by my healing leg.  Its a time I cherish. 

I hope my kids pursue the arts in school.  Jake is signed up for drama in junior high.  I hope he finds a real passion for it.  I think he'll be wonderful.  My bigger hope is that there is a Mr. K lurking in his drama room!  He deserves to have someone like that in his corner.

Mr. K retired two years ago.  Just two years ago.  18 years after I left Conant.  I can't begin to imagine the lives of other kids he touched through the course of his service.  I'm sure pieces of him still echo through the long hallway down to the basement choir room. 

Spring is in the air...

and dryness abounds.  No real snow thus far in the Rocky's.  We've had a quick storm here or there, but overall it was more like living in a brown version of Arizona this winter.  Temps have been in the 60s - 70s on and off for weeks.  They occassionally promise precipitation, but it never equates to much.  I hope for me that means an early outdoor season!  And for the state that we find a way to keep the fire hazards down.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night...and it further served to flush out my vision for my business.  Why I do each part.  I photograph babies because they are so new, so fresh, so simple to love.  I feel emotion when I click.  Children because they are prone to whimsy and I can be a kid for a bit while I get on the floor to talk to them and play with them.  High School Seniors because they are ready to take on the world.  They have a foot in two worlds and they are willing to be a little wild, a little fun, a little dramatic.  I love that!  And Weddings.  Weddings because in the end, it's about the couple.  Let's face it, the Bride.  Its about what the bride wants for her day.  At the end of the hoopla, the vows, the party, when they look back, the pictures should remind her that she had what she wanted, what she envisioned.  They shouldn't remind her that she got gouged and didn't get what was important to her. 

I have packages.  They give framework for a price.  A place for the couple and I to start from.  But no one is cookie cutter.  What I decided was important to me as a bride (which is how I determined some of my packages) is not what is important to another bride.  I want the door open for discussion.  I want to be able to say, "tell me what's most important to you, and the next two important things."  From there we can build a package for a price that works for everyone. 

I started out saying I never wanted to look a client in the eye and be embarassed by my pricing.  Though money is important, my time and talent are valuable, its not what I'm all about and not why I started snapping photos in the first place.  I love what I do and I want to share the joy of it with others.  And I want them to trust that I have our motives equally in check. 

So, thanks for giving me the opportunity to stand my ground and formalize how I see these things.  I think it will make me a better photographer going forward and better able to articulate to my clients and potential clients what I'm all about.

~S