Such a blustery Sabbath...and 3 of our 4 family members are sick with sinus gunk. Niiice. That's just become part of the fall/winter tradition in our house. So, today we stay home. Its been that kind of weekend really. Kenz and Jake had sleep-overs Friday night, both here. Both with really good kids. Saturday Kenzie had a birthday party and Jake tagged along with Dad getting their hair cut and then visiting Best Buy to check out the latest in techy-gadgets.
Today its quiet around here. The kids have really been at each other, which for the most part we try to let them sort through on their own...but on the Sabbath...that's our day of peace and rest. Normally Church breaks up the day followed by linner and then Family Home Evening, but on days like this where we are sick and can't attend, the kids get on each other's last nerve and our last nerve as well. So - after several encouraging reminders of the natural consequences of not working well together, they're both in their rooms reading and writing and I'm enjoying the silence for just a bit.
Tomorrow is supposed to welcome the sun back. I certainly hope so. Sick or not, I have a 7:15a senior portrait photo shoot and another at 5pm (the reschedule from Saturday). Both I picked up from a local ad I have been running in the local community newsletters. That's really all it takes - one or two steps outside of my circle of personal friends and acquaintences followed by serious word-of-mouth and I'll be off and running. I can't tell you how excited I am.
But for today, I am reflective. And thankful for the blessings I have. I started working on our year-end recap that will accompany our holiday cards. So many amazing happenings, miracles, and blessings in our family this year. Its also made me nostalgic and filled with a hint of longing to have my parents around. I'm starting to think its why I keep myself so incredibly busy most of the time. To avoid feeling the void of not having them here. Because when I stop to think about it too long I ache inside. A real, physical ache for their guidance and presence. To be able to share our kids and our lives with them. I know, I know...we'll be together again. But some days that doesn't ease the emptiness. Yesterday was one of those days. Emptiness. I miss my mom. Her laughter and her exuberance. I miss her wit and well, her ditziness at times. Her cornflower blue eyes and the silkiness of the back of her hands. Her directness and her strength. My dad's hugs and his sense of humor. His dark brown eyes. His creativity, and his nose. He had the typical Greek nose...and I miss his hands, too. For different reasons. In them I often found a paint brush. Sometimes for work (he was a painter by trade) and sometimes at the easle with his oils and palette. He loved art and he loved life and he loved me.
I am thankful these were my parents. It wasn't a rosey childhood. It was a messy, painful childhood. But in the end we all grew, and all learned, and all came together with an abundance of love. I mourn that the latter was such a small portion of our time together, but I'm thankful I had that time at all. Dad's been gone 14 years this year, Mom 9. I am incredibly thankful for my faith and for the Temple and my ability to attend. For the Sealing Ordinance that binds me to my parents eternally and for the opportunity to have the same for my own family in the near future. And I am thankful for the pieces of me that are my parents and the pieces of them that I see every day in my children. My heart is full when I focus on those things. And full it is today.
~ Shay
