2009: On Becoming a Good Steward...

Christmas magic...

So, this is the year that Kenzie has finally started asking questions about "Santa"...I'm both sad and excited about this prospect.  I had a tough childhood...was old wayyyyyy beyond my years, but the one area where my parents kept us kids as long as possible, was Christmas.  Really it was my mom.  I had the most magical Christmases every year.  Not just because the tree was always loaded with presents, exactly what I dreamed for and often times more gifts than I had asked for (and really...I was a kid who should'a gotten coal every year -- that should of been my first clue about the big read suited guy); but in the whole month of December. 

Mom would bake cookies with us, decorate the house to the 9's, dad would string our house in lights and they would twinkle in my room every night.  I loved it.  I felt enveloped in the season.  Mom would have her records playing before the stereos would begin the holiday music (because back then, you had Thanksgiving and THEN Christmas, not a merging of the two)...we'd light the fireplace every night and watch the Christmas specials every year, Charlie Brown, The Grinch, Frosty...all the classics. 

We'd read from Luke 2 as it got closer and by the time Christmas Eve rolled around we were lit like little fire crackers with excitement!  We would spend Chritmas Eve at our friend's house every year.  We kids would get all hyped up on sugar and run around like crazy...the parents engrossed in conversation or card games.  We would try to guess all the presents we were going to get.  We'd leave at 11p to get to the midnight candlelight service at Church, come home, lay out the reindeer food and Santa's cookies and milk and get to bed.  And wake at the crack of dawn to my parents red rimmed eyes...I didn't know they'd been up all night assembling toys and wrapping gifts for the tree!

Coming down the stairs on Christmas morning was overwhelming.  My mother had a grand plan at how to lay out presents...it was always a stunning sight to see.  She never let us just tear in...we were taught to savor each present.  To take our time opening it and really seeing that our dreams were fulfilled.  This was the only time of year we were truly spoiled rotten.  Birthdays in our house were small.  I had parties when I was younger, but by 10 those turned into one friend and dinner out and small gifts, but Christmas is where my mom went crazy. 

I was a simple kid.  I didn't ask for much if I remember.  The standard toys as I remember, a race track once, dolls when I was really young, and books and clothes as I got older.  One year, when I was about 8, my dad made me a dollhouse that was a replica of the house we lived in.  It was all assembled, other than the decor.  He and I did that together.  It had lights and everything.  I treasured that house.  I loved that house.  I loved that he did that for me.  I still do.  It's probably my fondest memory of a Christmas.

So here we are, with Kenzie.  I learned Santa was "magic" performed by my parents when I was 7.  I snuck down the stairs and caught them.  They didn't know I knew until I was about Kenzie's age.  We didn't have a big talk about it.  I just one day told them the jig was up.  And from then on, the magic was a little less.  They would lay the presents out as soon as we were tucked in bed...no longer waiting for us to be sound asleep.  That was the same year I started going downstair in the wee hours and gently unwrapping gifts to see what I got.  That worked great, except for the one year the tape was not strong and all the flaps on the sides of the gifts were flared out when we got up.  My mom just gave me a stern look and I tried to be more careful the next year!

But Kenzie is starting to question the magic of Christmas.  And I don't want it to be a anti-climactic thing.  I want her to understand the magic, and why we do it, and the whole story of St. Nicholas...the why kids need the magic of Christmas.  So - this year is the year.  She'll have her Christmas magic and then we'll have a chat about what she really thinks is going on...and we'll explain it and hopefully she'll feel the joy of it all, and of being on the inside.  She has a tender heart, she'll foster the dream for the littler kids she knows...I know she will.  She's nothing like I was.  I was the first to ruin Christmas for many a little kid once I knew what I knew.  Maybe having a chat about magic would have made that different?!  I hope so. 

I'm sad to see her outgrow this tradition.  To move on to more "grown up" perspectives.  I've loved giving my kids some of the Christmas spirit my parents gave to me.  I still carry that magic in me, and this time of year it draws me closer to them.  I know if mom were still here, she'd be recreating the magic for her grandkids every chance she got.  So, I have done it in her stead, with her in mind and in my heart year after year.  That won't change, with or without the red-suited guy.

A week off...

I took a week off...of pretty much everything...my asthma has been acting up and so nothing exciting was happening and thus no writing...so that explains my sudden lack of blogging.  And now if something interesting did happen it's lost forever because I can't come up with it. 

I did however earn the best mom in the world and worst mom in the world award in one night!  Saturday was a banner night. 

All Kenzie's friends at school have been reading the Twilight series.  I'm sure there are a million different opinions out there as to whether or not someone her age is ready for the series since that wasn't the target...not that I was the target either, but I figure if it excites her to read, and she's ambitious enough to work through that many pages, overall it's pretty harmless material and the benefits far out weigh any detriment...so I gave her my copy of Twilight to start reading.  It took her about a month, but she got through it and is some 200 pages into New Moon...her reward for reading Twilight was to go see New Moon...I didn't make her finish that book before getting her reward, I wanted her to have something to be excited about to make her not put Twilight down just in case...Saturday was reward day....so, after dinner we bundled up (which was good, because the heater in the theater was out...and I got cold...I NEVER get cold!) and off to the movie we went.  She even got to bring a friend...and she got junior mints to boot...I rock as a mom!  I am at the pinnacle of perfection with this move.  Kenzie is beaming everytime she looks at her wonderful mother...this beacon of light in her life.  She loves the movie.  She's just as excited when we leave.  (though she didn't love the ending, just like I didn't the first go around!)   That's when trouble sets in...

She tells me, and then shows me this giant knot of hair caught in her new earing.  She has had her ears pierced for about a month.  This hair was so wrapped around the earing that it literally was backing into the hole.  I was concerned about infection, discomfort, any number of things and figured it's been a month, we'll go home, pop it out, I'll take the hair off, pop it back in...we'll go on about our business.  Not so much.  Popped it out, shed the hair, and then voila, the back of the hole closed.  At least I couldn't find it, and we tried and tried.  Now, if it had been my ear, I would have shoved it through, taken the pain and been done with it.  But when it's your precious little girl, screaming bloody murder after 20 minutes of poke and torture, you acquiesce.  I did.  I quit.  I couldn't take it anymore.  She begged to let the hole alone and to have it re-pierced in a week.  I gave in.  We were both crying in the end...my poor baby was comforting me at this point.  I felt awful the rest of the night.  Fearing the bad over-rode the good.  But not with this girl.

She woke up the next morning all sunshine and smiles.  She even let me try once more, but overnight, the hole was pretty well sealed up, and tender, so we left well-enough alone.  She gave me a big hug telling me how much she loved me, that it was okay, and when could we go repierce...just like that.  No guilt, no long drawn out bad feelings...just over it.  And back to talking about her movie night. What amazing bounce-back she has.  My little girl.  I guess I could take a lesson or two from her.

Yesterday was the primary program at church.  It was all about families.  She wrote and recited from memory her experiences in the Temple during our Sealing this last year.  She beamed and I was a proud momma out there in the audience.  The girl has lost her shyness.  She has fallen in love with preforming in front of others.  It was a delight to see.  I can hardly believe that on her next birthday she'll be 10.  Where did the time go...I'm holding on tight to the rest of time.  I know it's fleeting and one day she'll be ready to spread her wings and be gone.  Makes me as sad as letting her ear close up did.  The bottom of the pit of my stomach kind of sad.  Guess I better keep on enjoying every moment with her...she's growing to become my best little friend. 

Freakin' cold...

So, it's another early morning with no sleep - this time because my asthma has kicked in...and the shallow breathing has made sleep a stranger.  It is something like -11 outside before windchill and our furnace went out briefly tonight.  It's all about who you know.  A neighbor of Cal & Dee's is an HVAC guy and he was nice enough to walk Frank through a few things we could do before paying him to come over.  The house was at a frigid 54 degrees when he gave Frank an idea that worked.  Simple as cleaning a sensor and now the house is toasty warm.  It's definately colder down here. 

I remember the winter of '79 in Chicago - windchills hit -81.  We clearly weren't out in that.  But I remember the city on a complete lockdown.  10 foot snow drifts and that deathly cold.  I'm sure there's been severe cold snaps since we moved here 7 years ago, but none that come to mind like this one...days on end.  It's supposed to be back to the 40's this weekend.  Let's keep our finger's crossed that that comes to fruition.

Movie Saturday...

So yesterday was great!  Time to lounge (all morning) and a phone call at 1pm to go see New Moon, yet again...with a different group of girls...I hadn't showered yet, but with the right motivation all things are possible.  Ten minutes later I was showered and dressed and out the door to pick up Nadezda...off to the movie we raced...enjoyed it just as much as the other times. 

Once done it was off to dinner with Taylor and then another movie...Brothers.  Intense.  I wasn't crazy about the ending.  But, if you asked me I couldn't tell you how to resolve the movie without it going on endlessly trying to resolve every little issue it brought up.  I won't go in to detail less I spoil it for someone who wants to see it...but I have mixed feelings. 

Frank visited the library to return books (I never finished the Wally Lamb book - not a fan of his writing...just couldn't get in to it) and he picked me out a new one.  "The Pilot's Wife"...I started that last night...so far so good.  I'm enjoying it.  I'll finish it today...it's a short read.

Today we'll put up the tree and other house decor for Christmas.  It'll be nice to have that done and get into the spirit of things.  I never seem to get there until that's done.

Nothing else interesting to report.

Recipes

So - I've had several people ask me in the last few weeks for various recipes of mine.  Standards that I make often enough that other people get to enjoy them...on the left of my blog and a little ways down is a link to my online cookbook.  Which isn't as populated as it's about to be.  Following South Beach I'm finding lots of yummy recipes that I want to track and record. Anyway -- if anyone is interested...go here and login (shaybrackney) and use this password (goodeats) ... enjoy...and feel free to pass a long a few of your own.  I always give credit where credit is due!

An update...

As I said before I'm keeping a separate blog to track my progress while incorporating the South Beach diet into my life.  I don't view it as a diet, I view it as a lifestyle.  A way I can eat for good.  It's not low carb or high fat.  It's not Atkins.  That's what I thought when I first approached it.  I thought - I've been here before, and it got me good and sick.  But as I read I realized it was simply a low glycemic way of eating, which is healthier anyway.  Especially for me with pre-diabetic issues.  So, I started 9 days ago.  And I am down 9 pounds. 

I know most of that is water.  I'm pretty educated on my body and it's responses.  I've been all over the spectrum for most of my life.  But I will tell you, I feel great.  I've had variety and fresh foods.  All tasting great.  I'm not bored, even in the first phase which is mainly protein and vegetables.  I'm looking forward to next week when I can incorporate some fruits back in and some steel cut oats.  I'm back to the gym.  Not loving that yet, but I'll get there.  I'm sleeping well (8 hours a night as a rule) and drinking tons of water.  I feel better than I have in a long while. 

All and all, things are going well and I feel good.  That's exactly what I hoped for.

Busy day...

My friend and I were talking the other day about people who work who think people who stay home have all this extra time on their hands.  NOT.  I knew coming home would mean I would be more busy than I was when I was working.  At work there are no kids, no carpools, no dishes staring you in the face.  At work there are adults to talk to, breaks to take in the day, and plentiful access to the internet.  I have to say, I did my share of surfing during my stint working downtown. 

Today was case in point.  I got up, got showered, got the kids out the door, did carpool, went to a friend's to help her with computer stuff, went back to Kenzie's school to lend my photography talents to a class project, ran around some more, picked up carpool.  I'm home for a brief stop and then out the door again to pick up Jake and friends from their school, then off to teach a sign language class and finally home again where I'll be editing pictures all night long...sheesh.  My days never looked like that when I was working...up...work...home...simple. 

I don't regret it, I wouldn't change it, I just find it funny that those who work sometimes lose site of what us at-homers have on our plates.  I didn't gain time by staying home, but I did gain a sense of relief.  I would rather be knee deep in carpool than knee deep in paperwork anyday.

Reading...

So I spent yesterday reading last year's Chicago Marathon bloggers.  If you go to the site and click on inspiration it's all there.  And these are real people, all ages, walks of life, fitness and marathon levels.  One gal in particular gave a serious blow-by-blow of her first marathon experience and it was by far the most useful.  I'm trying to mentally gear myself up and see myself in the run.  I say run rather than race because I am under no delusions that I will be competing with anyone but myself.   My goal is to run it in less than 6 hours.  6:30 is the limit.  I'd love to run it in 4:30 but the reality is that means going from a 15 minute mile to a 10 mm in less than 10 months...and then being able to maintain that pace for the entire race, no breaks.  And that's just not realistic.  Potty breaks, leg cramps, cold, a myriad of things can throw a time off.  So - I'll settle for finishing before they are taking down the signs and driving away!  I just want my finish to count.

I'm starting a couch to 5k program today, thanks to the suggestion of Rachel.  She's doing that program herself, and then I have a 17 week program that goes from there to marathoning.  And being that I have much more than 26 weeks to train, I should be good.  That's the plan as I see it.

Today it's off to carpool, then the gym, then out with Mel for a while.  I got all the laundry done yesterday, what will I do with my Wednesday?  ;) 

Back to reality...

It's Monday after a long week home with the kiddos.  It's back to carpool (3x's a day) and chores and work...but first, it's back to the gym.  Cardio today, upper body strength and cardio tomorrow...etc.  I'm actually looking forward to it, though I'd be more excited if my new shoes were here.  I wound up ordering them online since they closed the Runner's Roost up on University (that was an unpleasant suprise after driving all the way over there on Saturday morning).  I went through Zappos, which probably saved me $20 anyway.  I got runners...I'll be walking at first, but I'll need the extra stabalization for when I start running in a few weeks. 

Okay, Alana.  I'll bite.  I'll commit to training for an October marathon.  I need that much time to shed the weight and get my heart and lungs cooperating.  I can't believe I just wrote it in b&w.  Come do Chicago with me.  It's flat, at sea level, and I can have people cheer us on the whole way...It's been 10 years since I was running...I'm still finding it hard to believe I have it in me, but I'm putting myself out there.  All I have to say is they better have a Brighton 26.2 charm...I won't finish WITH you, but I'll finish, and that'll be good enough for me....

What am I getting myself into?

Enjoying the silence...

It's another Sabbath morning and I'm reworking the lesson I'm giving today.  Working out the kinks.  Truth is, this lesson is so geared towards the adults and I have to give it to my 15 year olds...not a lot of room to make it "fun" this time.  I really hate that.  Sometimes I wish we used a separate lesson book to share the messages from...

I'm also sitting here contemplating next year's theme...the last four years I've followed a theme in my life for the entire year.  Like a New Year's resolution that I really do stick to, for the most part.  And I like doing that.  It gives me focus.  This year I picked "Becoming a good steward".  Originally I meant it to be over money, but it wound up bleeding into every area of my life.  I won't go in to detail...I always save the summary for my last entries.  But I will say, at first I felt like I was failing, not sticking on point, but throughout the year have come to embrace the overall theme and how it impacted me and the changes I made because of it. 

This next year is a big year.  Big as I want to make it I guess.  I'm turning 40.  Right in the beginning of the year.  And my theme will have to do with that -- how can it not.  I"m already digging in starting to gear up for the year...so I have a good start...really because I didn't see the point in waiting.  The actions cross over from both this year's theme to next. 

I thought I would dread 40.  I certainly dreaded 30.  But I don't.  I feel more settled in who I am and what I'm doing with my life.  My family is good, my marriage is rock solid, my hobbies and careers have merged.  I am caring for myself and understanding myself in ways I really hadn't before.  40 will be good.  It's all unchartered territory and I'm an adventure girl at heart.

I realize so many of the things that will plague my other friends in their 40's have already happened to me.  Specifically the loss of parents.  More will begin to experience this sad happening.  I would rather have my parents here than anything in the world, but in some ways am glad to be through those experiences so I can embrace the lessons they left with me without so much of the pain anymore.  I can't imagine looking ahead to events such as that.  It's a strange perspective to have, I guess.

I can't believe November is nearing it's end already.  And December is all that's left of this year, and this decade.  A decade past already!  Which reminds me, Kenzie will be double digits this year.  I will have two kids in double digits.  Hmmm.  Time really does slip by quickly.